So there is but fire In you, in me?

  So..it's been a difficult week. I had thought things were getting better - I mean when Josh's behavior is worse it generally corresponds to more lucidity, and he has more awareness What am I saying, that sounds complexly un-sane.. .when he is worse he is better? But then there is the problem of triggers... Yeah, we all have our limits Oh, now I'm saying it's me? So, he has found something that gets the most negative response from me. I mean it generally requires me to spend at least an hour cleaning up, it involves a lot of water, a lot of cleaning. But mostly it makes me really angry... And my skin crawls, literally I feel myself pulling my arms in close, hunching up, I don't want to touch anything in the house. Mr Freud would call it regressive denial or something like that. Him, not me. I'm probably doing denial by fantasy or some such - entertaining the crazy idea that this degree of un-saneness can't last - oh, people have told me it takes years to cl

This is a question that becomes increasingly difficult to answer. Psychosis is a country without a map, a location where the compass spins wildly; a play with no narrative. And Dr Google is a mirror reflecting only the most frequent copy and paste.. Psychosis is more like entering the Bermuda Triangle than trying to get to Dorset without satellites. So a map has to be writ... Here I am  mapping.  So we had the challenging behavior. We still have the challenging behavior... The way I stop becoming disabled by rage and despair is to understand it in terms of attachment theory which paradoxically states that a person who is trying to drive me nuts with actions incompatible with civilized living, is doing it because they need to be accepted for doing unacceptable things. Things that are unacceptable... The unconscious imperative the challenger is operating under is to break it, before it breaks; try to break it to see if it can be trusted. My husband and me, we are the  it. Obviously this