So there is but fire In you, in me?

One of the worst aspects of this year has been the sense of deja vu. Josh has been discharged before, and then about a week later, he tried to kill himself. Regardless of common sense or logic, the proximity of the memories to each other creates the illusion of connection. Sometimes it is as if everything is a replay, each place we visited with him on day trips is haunted by  ghost memories, shades and shadows of fear and struggling. I was fighting against myself, against my instincts almost all the time. I remember us walking along a narrow strip that led out to sea, the waves crashing against the walls, fierce and drowning and thinking - if he just jumps, I can't follow, I have to keep in mind where all the life rings are.... I know that memory is anchored to that wall and that sea...like the walks we took along a green and easy path, up a hill not far from here to sit among the trees. First time we went he was just out of hospital and limping, another time was with '

The 28 days were up. We collected Service User for two days leave. A bittersweet experience....On the morning of the return day, after an extremely minimal conversation with the psychiatrist by phone, during which I was just asked if things were ok, I was told that that was it. Service User is discharged. We went to the shops and bought biscuits and chocolate for the staff, and returned at our usual time. Service User picked up his Respiridone, and we left! Home visit team due on Sunday. I was reassured to hear that the doctor who had threatened my son with sectioning, and who I regard as a part of why he attempted suicide, has left...I was never clear in my own mind if I should push my complaint forward. Perhaps I should have, but I didn't...still, I made it clear to everyone what happened, and I'd like to think it had an effect.