There is naught but fire...

An envelope just fell through the door.

I opened it in trepidation.

Perhaps I've not noticed any good things recently, or it could well be true that only bad things have come my way since that January feeling. An almost palpable sense that someone had attached angel wings to my back and told me that I should do something about the various wrongs that have accrued in 2023.

Call me Nemesis...

I didn't want to do that. I prevaricated, I rationalised. I said 'it wont make the person(s) behave better to others, in fact I think it will make them more defensive and less kind. 

I made one half hearted attempt to open up the issue.

And received a reply that was quite frankly deranged.

So here I am, opening up an envelope. No post mark to say where it was from. The writing looked a bit like mine. But anyway, inside there was a photo of me when I was about eleven; photos of my daughters, my first husband. No explanations. Nothing.

Could have come from my sister?

I assume they were sent by the friend who I unfriended - after fifty years or more of friendship late last year. Perhaps that was the first intimation of the avenging angel, who knows! 

It is interesting to ask what is happening when someone who was close suddenly becomes a threat - threat is the feeling, but the words that come with threat don't feel quite accurate enough. My husband and my friend used defense and avoidance in response to what they considered threatening; in other words - I might be emotional'. I felt that I am seen as a threat, because my hurt feelings are uncomfortable for them....in the same way a hit and run driver can't stand to see what they have accidentally done.

Though it is true that a person's response will be whatever it is, and perhaps they will be hurt! Surely to goodness isn't it obvious that how the news is told, and what options are available afterwards - really matter?

Isn't negotiation and collaboration better than defense and avoid

And now, having tried to get to navigation and collaboration, I no longer wish to attempt any further negotiation or collaboration with the friend or husband. I have written them off - not sure what that means exactly? 

The other two 'cases' the ones who caused me to sprout imaginary Avenging angel wings, are a different situation - but they both involve other people, and I should speak up.

I've been saying that since January..?

And it is a kind of despair, or tacit acceptance of their bad behavior to not to say something. 

The rule is increasingly clear to see; saying something is better than saying nothing,  is avoiding. 

Whilst to say it in a defensive way is just as bad...