Lammas // Lughnasadh

Transition...

I mean, what other word is there?

Transform.

Change.

Become...

Lammas was my 'transition' day. 

My day to un-marry.

A day to cremate the remains of him.

I built a fire big enough to scorch the tree from the heap of rubbish piled up in our garden. She had a garden full of rubbish. The memory is an intrusive pop-up! I am back in their kitchen - the afternoon after the morning when....and her husband is saying

 "but how did he know which was our house from the back unless he had been here before?" 

and she said, 

"Easy, he knew our garden is full of crap".

Therefore as much 'crap' as I could find, went into the flames. 

That syncing between her life and ours provokes allergy. Ugly intrusions passed off as normal, ordinary; that change in his vocabulary, he began to use a certain tone of voice, terms. 

And the parallel buying of household electrical equipment!

Washing machine..

Vacuum cleaner...so much fun he had to but two.

Josh identified the word "brew" (replacement for "tea") as a contender.

My favorite newism was' "What is this!" said with a tone of outrage aimed at causing me to feel as if what ever I had said was truly out of order. 

Every time it was used on me I felt the barbs and sting. 

And then in my mind I'd quote the dialogue between Inanna and Neti, from Wolkstein and Kramer's retelling of the Inanna myth: 

When she entered the first gate.

From her head, the Shugurra, the crown of the steppe was removed.

Inanna asked:

'What is this?'

She was told:

'Quiet, Inanna, the ways of the underworld are perfect.

They may not be questioned.' 

Quiet, the ways of the Underworld are perfect...

Small victories preserved enough of me...