Day 9

Today is the ninth day of facing, accepting and floating through my panic attacks. Though I have  reason to feel panic, panic is only of use when fight or flight are called for. As I'm usually inside a building and everything is OK except my thoughts, limp and give up is the only way to go. Just not in an uncontrolled, sad or negative way.

I am not allowed to seek answers. 

So I've learnt second fear - fear of first fear. 

For nine days I've been going limp and giving up because the argument to do so, makes sense. I can't change anything for the better by asking a question.

I don't get reassurance, and I feel bullied.  

For a day or two anxiety became gut-panic, a constant feeling of needing to go to the toilet. But, I just have to go limp through that feeling too. That ended. Lying in bed to sleep and my body wants to run! I also have to ignore that...This is so difficult to do.

Nine days without crashing is the longest I've managed since mid July last year.