Black skies full of stars.

We were going to go on an expedition. The one promised from a lifetime ago, when Josh said that he wanted to go to the beer garden...and I said 'we will come back when you are not taking the SSI and you can drink beer...'

But this morning began in a way I can't recall...
And for reasons I can't remember.

I just couldn't take the possibility of him becoming florid, as I was driving down the motorway. After all been there and done that - the nightmare scenes filling my mind - so I gave him two hours to reassure me by his behavior within those hours.

But most of those hours were filled with him being screaming mad.
So, here we are.

The reasons for the screaming mad?
Well for my own sanity and to model 'correct' behavior husband and I have been ignoring his obsessional monologues.

They are met with - if any reaction at all - these words: 'I believe this is an obsessional thought. I refuse to think about it, and I will not get into a discussion'.

So, in keeping with the addiction model, Josh increases 'the noise' to provoke an emotive reaction from us. It requires an audience and it pays no heed to any distress it can cause, and because we are pretty much beyond emotional reactions now, it increases and increases...until we walk away.

So, do I think this is the right path?
I've no idea.
I think an addiction model is more correct than say a psychoanalytic (it's because of your childhood) model.

I could put it into a CBT 'schema therapy' framework and say he is suffering from a punitive parent, an abandoned child and a dissociating 'protector' and try to find his wise adult....that would be less direct than simply stating the way it is and the way I feel...as in, I have heard all this stuff before, it is an obsessional thought....but I don't think the cause is childhood. I think it is a genetic propensity - as evidenced by his granddad and aunt - kicked into operation by breaking the rules he absorbed as a child, and his realization of the danger he put himself in.

He cant trust himself.
So he can't do anything....

And this morning with the screaming and throwing himself around...because we wont listen to him tell us the same, emotive tragedy tales anymore..Actually I began to wonder if he should go round to all the local schools in the area as an example of why doing drugs isn't such a great idea...

Don't know what to do...
Will try again tomorrow.