Sleep

 

As we shall see in the next chapter, neuroleptic drugs dampen down all spontaneous thought and action and their effects are not restricted to psychotic phenomena. Therefore, if we abandon the assumption that neuroleptic drugs act in a disease-centred manner, their effects provide no support for the dopamine theory...

Moncrieff. The Myth of the Chemical Cure:

A Critique of Psychiatric Drug Treatment (pp. 89-90). Palgrave Macmillan. 

So overall...
I personally have no regrets about 'the cold turkey' experience.
It was terrifying, yes.
Despite that, the sense of being out of control on so many levels was manageable because the 'cold turkey' had been planned.

This whole psychosis 'trip' has been through Terra Incognita. If I'd known then what I know now, I wouldn't have worried, and I certainly would not have listened to those compelling voices - the psychiatrists - who meant well, but nevertheless...were doing harm by transmitting a sense of powerlessness.

Psychosis is a curious phenomenon.
We all have a background level of it running all the time, 'we' means you and everyone you will ever meet.

In psychosis something has gone too far.
Some safety mechanism has not been attended to...
Then the 'writing' starts to appear on the wall.
The radio begins to talk to you directly...
And a chaotic fear begins to take hold.

The psychotic person gives off this sense of weird wrongness - as his brain is working over time, the dream-gate wide open - and the 'normal' people feel his anxiety on an unconscious level and begin to feel the presence of wrongness which feeds back to the psychotic person...and...

Well, that leads nowhere good.

Anyway!
A good weekend.

Eldest daughter arrived and was so kind to Josh.

And to us.

Because quite frankly, when she arrived the whole weight of tiredness I've been pushing off my shoulders, slunk back in. The bags under my eyes filled with grey sleep, and my body had but one goal...

To go to sleep.
Nevertheless...

Josh has more self control every day, I'm really proud of him.

And my concerns are numerous
Of course!!!

Mostly that he needs more than us, but he doesn't think anyone can help him.

Today he has an appointment with the GP, I think it is the 'encourage him to take his SSI visit. Josh will just be outwardly compliant, though he has told the doctor that he isn't taking his medication.