Cold Turkey

 Thinking about the meeting...

It was intimidating.
I know no one there meant it to be
But one way or another, with the holding pen just a few doors down the corridor away, and this being all about being kept in or allowed to go home..
Knowing that we don't know the rules of the game...

It is even more intimidating now we know there isn't any help available - not because the hospital has withdrawn its help - it has not, and they want to help us, but the only help available is medication or the holding pen.

And the consequence of phoning up to say this is too difficult would be that Service User has to return or...? Actually I don't know what would happen...no one has told us or Service User anything.

And this is a big part of the problem, everything is hidden behind statements about ethos and ethics.

In the meeting, the consultant explained to me about how they made every effort to work cooperatively with the family, and how the wishes of the Service User were actively sought. At which point I had to disagree, I told the consultant that I appreciated the good will of the staff, but the actuality is something very different. I made it quite clear that I was appalled by the way the doctor who visited spoke to Service User as if he were a recalcitrant child refusing to eat his dinner...and on wards to making threats about sectioning.

The consultant got the distinct impression that I would be writing a letter of complaint.

I'm not going to do that, by the way, I think writing about it here is fairer and leaves what happened open for you to interpret. I needed to tell his boss (the consultant) because I am angry and the doctor's behavior breaks the Mental Health Code of Ethics.

It is up to the consultant now...

Anyway, for us, we are into the Unknown now...
Service User wishes to stop his anti-psychotic and SSI drugs...
This of course is scary..

On the other hand, is it possible that the SSI was responsible for what happened to Service User, the total rage, and dissociation, followed by a suicide attempt?

The thing I remember so clearly from that evening is how his pupils were black, really dilated. I don't understand the mechanism for that, but I know that the main reason pupils dilate and stay dilated is drug related.

I am blaming Citalopram for this....
My only evidence is his eyes.
But dilated pupils is indicative of too much serotonin..

And the fact that he had presented with a severe health anxiety, not anger of rage.

Rage wasn't there before
He became extremely agitated and fearful/aggressive only after beginning to take the higher dose Citalopram...After the doctor threatened him with sectioning ...10 days later he left the house and was hit by the bus.

So though going cold turkey isn't a good idea, that is his choice.

And though in theory we have the hospital to phone if we feel worried (!) we really don't have that option for exactly the same reasons I couldn't phone them before...

We talked with him about how we would cope if he became extremely upset, fearful, angry and so with that in place..fingers crossed.