Fog

Brain fog..

I'm dubious about stages of anything.

A map helps...
Something that shows
Other people have been here.

They may have got out
Or
Remained lost.

Probably.

The hard part is
My heart gets broken over and over.

Last night as I sat by his bed I wrote:

I can't take this. 

The feeling that we are not doing any good.

Isn't as important as the probability that we are not doing any good.

How to get this to spin the right way?

I don't know...

A feeling of utter despair - waves of pain.

I have no idea how long he will be in hospital.
I don't think I'm able to cope with the waves of anger he gives off...
His pathway so far has been a mirror image of his aunts - even down to the RTA - she walked in front of a car.

His aunt can act sane...
But she doesn't feel.
There is no empathy.
No care for self or other.

When asked if he would have her back, father-in-law saw his little girl, and said yes. Then left her to wander around the house with toilet paper in her ears against the voices. Religiosity came next (to deal with Lucifer and the demons, I suppose there were witches too) and violent attacks (don't upset her!) they have that in common, too.

If that is Service User's future...
Is there such a thing as late-onset autism?
I don't get why the rage, though...

Is it the lack of psychotherapy, that no one knows how to listen...

I just don't get how this happens.

So what about having him back here?

If this is it...
My beautiful, clever boy
No accident, no nothing, just unresolved, untreated, guilt, shame leading to anxiety, to terror, to a suicide attempt, to drugged up to the eye-balls, to malevolent rage aimed at everyone...